Life And The Living Of It

In August of 2011 my father passed away at the age of 84, following a two-year battle with cancer. My Mom, at 84 herself now, has had some health scares in the past year or so and my eldest brother, Rob, has been battling serious ailment for the past year also. In August of 2015 I had to put down my dog, Kaiah, after her health declined rapidly. She was just 4 years and 10 months old when her end came. This past spring my first dog, Jazmin, declined in health and went to roam the after-life off-leash park on June 12th, 2017. She was just shy of 10 years old. I have come to know grief and the enduring of it through the waning and departure of these loved ones and primary companions in my life these past 6 years and the weight of it on my soul has been heavy at times. Over the half-century mark myself now and being the youngest of six siblings, with a large extended family, ensures that for however long my journey continues endings are likely to be more prevalent than beginnings. It is the curse of aging to serve witness to and to experience waning and associated sufferings routinely in daily living. It is saddening and even maddening at times, but it is the cycle of life and the living of it all the same. 

Professionally life has treated me harshly over the past few years as well. Dishonesty, nefarious agendas and maliciousness by some industry associates and board volunteers caused untenable working environments, tarnished my many years of good works, thousands of hours of my devoted and competent service, and smeared my lengthy track-record for good management, leadership and sound judgement. I made a few mistakes along the way in managing the politics of it all as well that ultimately provided the daggers for my foes to fling. At times I have been partly infuriated by circumstances, partly disillusioned by them, and partly saddened by them, but most days now I am just resigned to the reality of it all. I have journeyed through the ebb and flow of many thoughts and feelings, reminding me through the introspection travelled that I am an emotional being.

It is a truism of life that it can be lonely at the top and I most certainly learned that lesson in spades. With no allies or good friends now aiding in the service of my best interests, "it is what it is" has become my go-to mantra, anchoring my consciousness in the present. Each new day I persist with positive energy and a determination to right the ship by over-coming the adversity of the past and rising above my detractors and adversaries. Time will tell if that is yet to come. All I can do is continue to strive toward it. 

Through it all if there is one thing I have come to know best it is that truth does not always prevail. Life is neither fair nor just and far too often evil triumphs over good. Be that as it is, I refuse to abandon the high road, whatever the consequences may be. For better or for worse, I will not succumb to the urges for vengeance nor will I allow the grief and anger I have felt to make me a lesser man than I know myself to be. I can only proceed proudly in my life by accepting what is and doing what I can to achieve brighter days ahead. Life is not always what you make of it. Life is also what you allow it to make of you.

Despite the challenges, injustices and depravities experienced, for so long as I am above the grass, I will remain confident in my value and worth. I await new opportunities in days, months and years ahead with the knowledge that I continue living my life by honourable principles that are worthy of the journey I am blessed to still be on. When the end does come, a day or decades from now, I will sleep eternally knowing that I was not perfect and earned no sainthood, but on the whole I was a good, honest, compassionate and kind-hearted man who did the best I could to serve others very well. That, from my perspective at least, will be a life well-lived.